Ranch Yarns 2020

Happy New Year! Kid and Pal, et al. have rung up over two hundred yarns since they first showed up in May of 2017. So I have opened up a new page to accommodate them. I will go back to making us all scroll down to the bottom for the latest, so that you can easily read in sequence the happenings at Carrot Ranch as interpreted by these intrepid stock characters. 

be bold (july)

2020 Visions

“Kid, I had a good year. Was put through ma paces by you, but had some good times with Ornery, an’ heck, even told some stories an’ writ some buckaroo-ku!”

“Well, Pal, Shorty done so much this year; I reckon we kinda live vigorously through her, bein’ fictional ranch hands an’ all.”

“Think the word’s vicariously, Kid.”

“Yeah, vaquero-us-ly, that makes sense.”

“It sure was excitin’ when Carrot Ranch got headquartered. I still say, despite some a yer shenanigans, this here’s one fine oufit, an’ I’m happy ta stay on another year.”

“We ain’t here fer the pay, Pal.”

***

“I had a rough year. Accident’ly indangered the ranch by attractin’ unsavory characters an’ by encouragin’ Ornery an’ Pepe ta distill beans…”

“Dat still stings me too Keed.”

“Hey, Pepe. Yeah, seems all I did was argue with D. Avery or git the whole ranch riled up ‘cause a me; ever’one havin’ ta hep me outta the Poet Tree, or search fer me when ma think tank fell on me. I jist wanna hep, an’ all my ideas turn out flawed.”

“Don’t worry Kid, Shorty likes flawed characters. And you and I’ll work things out.”

“D. Avery?”

“Howdy, Yahoos.”

***

“Set by our fire, D., tell us ‘bout yer year.”

“Your fire’s burning bright. I had some successes this year, was more published and public, though I didn’t get very far with my very public resolution I made at the Ranch last January. Guess I’ll just recycle that plan. But I’m thinking you two are going to be more active this year.”

“Vigorous, like?”

“Busy. Read between the lines. I think Shorty’s going to use you soon as she figures out how.”

“Awesome! Should we give up our day jobs?”

“Kid, doin’ fer Carrot Ranch is yer day job.”

***

“I just wanted to tell you, Pal and Kid, that I’m all for whatever Shorty wants you to do. And I want you to know that of any of my writing, I enjoy you the most. You are seriously silly, and I like how you keep track of Ranch happenings. You both have stepped up when needed and even tried your hand at writing. You’ve really come along.”

“I been here all along, remember? But, jeez, are ya sayin’ goodbye?”

“No! Pal, I’m saying hello to a new year. You two have 2020 visions. I see you going places.”

***

“So you’ll have a whole new page of just 2020 Yarns. And maybe more front-page time, even though I still worry an off-Ranch audience isn’t ready to read you.”

“Kin we git Kid and Pal figurines made up?”

“Figures you’d start getting ideas, but I don’t think you’re ready for that yet Kid. You’re still just a legend in my own mind.”

“Kin ya organize our buckaroo-ku somehow?”

“Sure Kid.”

“Drive us aroun’?”

“Sure Kid.”

“Ya gonna have ta give up yer day job ta keep up with us, D. Avery?”

“Ha! I already did! I’m free come July!”

***

Broken Hearted

“Excusez-moi. Do you forget about me?”

“Oh, Pepe…”

“I weel go on your adventures too, no? Take da stage, pack da house?”

“Uh, well, Pepe, might be best if ya stay behind, like way behind. With yer particular talent ya’ve been known ta upstage others an’ clear a house.”

“Dees stinks! I have bean loyal frien’. You weel miss me. You weel need me an’ my bi-lingual ways at de border crossings. You weel regret leaving me behind. Anyway, you know I weel sleep out when you least expect. You weel hear my name on every wind that blows.”

CRLC January 2 Challenge “Hutch”

“Pal, ya ever git skeered we could git replaced?”

“Us? Heck no, Kid, we’re iconic. Stock character Ranch hands, dang good at what we do.”

“Yeah, but, seems like there ain’t a position these days ain’t dispensible. I know Pepe’s worried ‘bout automation at Buckaroo Nation.”

“Whut?”

“You know he slips inta Headquarters now and agin. He found out Shorty’s frien’s got a fartin’ machine. Kin ya believe it?”

“Cain’t believe it could keep up with Pepe.”

“One time they was talkin’ spreadsheets, ‘member?”

“An’ you kept shovelin’ an’ spreadin’ an’ scatterin’ shift like farfennugens. Kid, jist hutch up.”

 

CRLC January 9th Challenge “Wife Carrying”

The Matter of Loggatha LeGume
My Beanie lies over the mountain, my Beanie lies over the plains…”
“Pepe Legume. Why ya singin’ sech a sad song?”
“‘Ello Pal, ‘Ello Keed. I am apart from my wife.”
“You have a wife?”
“Oui. Mon cher, mon petite Beanie. But her given name is Loggatha.”
“Well, where is Loggatha, why ain’t ya tagether?”
“Dere ees many times, many places when she cannot go where I can. Often she ees detained. Sigh. She ees warm and soft, dat one, but a solid partner, my better half. She carries me! But you know, dere’s a leetle Loggatha in everyone.”

****

Seeing the Finish Line

“Kid, you bin kinda scarce.”

“What diff’rence it make Pal? Ain’t much we kin do with this prompt. We won’t be carryin’ on with this challenge.”

“Why not? I kin carry ya. Or you kin carry me. Jist so’s we git the job done.”

“This roundup is purty specific— wife carryin’. Ain’t neither one of us no kinda a spouse ta no one.”

“Kid, ain’tcha never heard a “work spouses”? Thet one person ya kin rely on an’ confide in at yer job?”

“The one who’s got yer back an’ you got theirs?”

“Yep.”

“We kin take turns Pal.”

 

CRLC January 16 Challenge “Protest”

“Jeez, Pal. Tellin’ ya, Shorty’s all over the map with her prompts. Now a protest story? I cain’t write a protest story.”

“Thinkin’ ya protest too much, Kid. Ever dang week yer protestin’, or is thet jist whinin’? This here could be serious ya know. Stop yer whinin’ an’ complainin’ an consider the plight a them’s thet really git the short end a the rope.”

“Reckin I kin try, Pal, but I ain’t got Shorty’s machinations.”

“Do ya mean ‘magination? It’s a difference ‘tween seemin’ and schemin’.”

“Guess as long as she does the write thing it’s all good.”

***

Once upon a time Princess Buckaroo lived on a enchanted snow-globe peninsula.

“Writin’ after all Kid?”

“Yep.”

One day all the Yooper Scoopers quit shov’lin an’ plowin’. They marched on snowshoes, holdin’ their their shovels up like signs, protestin’ ‘gainst low wages an’ high accumulations a snow.

Princess Buckaroo retreated ta another story.

“Lit out fer another tale?”

“No, she went upstairs when the first story got snowed over.”

Snow kep fallin’. The Buckaroo Princess got out on snowshoes as ever’thin’ got buried over.

“What happened?!”

The Buckaroo Princess was at new heights; snowshoed right ta her north star.