#SixSentenceStories; Blanket

Denise of GirlieOntheEdge hosts Six Sentence Stories every week. The rules are simple; just respond to the word prompt (this week’s is “blanket”) in six sentences exactly. The story can be fiction or non-fiction, prose or poetry; just go where the prompt leads. This week a poem came, with no rhyme or rhythm. Putting the 85 words into six stanzas gains me entry into the SixSentenceStory linkup.

Blanketed


He wrapped around her
a tolerable weight 
said it was love 

and she wanted it to be
blanketing them over 
time felt it turn scratchy and thin

he pulled it tighter 
pressed she wanted it to be 
love but shivered underneath

the fraying cover like her heart
came apart into ragged pieces.
One he tied around her oaken throat

threadbare shreds her gossamer wings
with one last square he wiped his eyes
cried This is love that was

(that is, 
I wanted 
it to be.)

26 thoughts on “#SixSentenceStories; Blanket

  1. Dramatic, insightful and sad, D. I know it’s fashionable these days to break up lines seemingly randomly but it’s not something I’ve ever been comfortable with because I believe it often takes away from the power of the piece. Personal preference only but, for what it’s worth, here’s how I would see it as a more powerful and enduring poem. I only dare do this because I think the poem is worth it and because I have a deep admiration for you as a writer.

    Blanketed

    He wrapped around her
    a tolerable weight,
    said it was love.

    And she wanted it to be
    blanketing them
    (but) over time felt it turn scratchy and thin

    He pulled it tighter,
    pressed.
    She wanted it to be love
    but shivered underneath.

    The fraying cover,
    like her heart,
    came apart into ragged pieces.

    One he tied around her oaken throat;
    threadbare shreds (wrapped) her gossamer wings

    With one last square he wiped his eyes,
    (as he) cried,

    ‘This is love that was,
    that is.
    (what) I wanted
    it to be.’

    Liked by 1 person

    • I will accept the compliment of you playing with my poem.
      I could play way too long at simply rearranging and changing line breaks, and then the cat doesn’t get fed, the fire goes out, other minor disasters might occur for my obsession. And this needed to be if not six sentences then six stanzas because this is where that prompt led and I’m sticking with it.
      Thank you. I will consider your suggestions for this poem.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Even to a hypo-poetic word-scrawler as myself, I found your Six to be intricately intriguing.

    In a sense, it contains (for me) that element of Reader participation manifesting as confidence in the author (long without question) and faith in my capacity to to hear the music hidden in the lines.

    Good Six, yo

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Beautifully written and sad. I feel the blanket wrapping round them like the lines.
    ‘the fraying cover like her heart
    came apart into ragged pieces.’
    And the jagged sounds in these lines emphasising the meaning of ‘scratchy and thin’.
    I really like this poem.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for the feedback regarding structure. I’m thinking to leave it as it came to me, without the punctuation. Makes it more raw and like a choose your own punctuation, add your own stresses, reader’s choice poem that could be read aloud differently and not be “wrong”.
      Anyway, thank you for the comments and for the prompt. I was glad to have something to share this week. It either comes right away or not at all.

      Liked by 1 person

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