
Over at Carrot Ranch the January 21, 2021, prompt is: “In 99 words (no more, no less), write a story that rephrases ‘light at the end of the tunnel.’ Think of how the cliche replacement communicates a hopeful ending and aligns with your character or story. Go where the prompt leads!” Mine is a double.
Coming In
Skipper. Always a corncob pipe stuck in his mouth, puffing away like that’s what powered the boat. Remember one time we got caught out in a bad nor’easter. That corncob grew cold but he kept it clenched in his teeth as he steered through the troughs and waves, me shivering scared in the cuddy cabin. I didn’t believe we’d weather that one. Then somehow Skipper had a free hand to relight his pipe under the brim of his oilskin hat. The storm was still pounding wild, but that round glow chipping at the dark told me we’d come through.
****
His hands at his chest clutching the blanket edge reminds me of him at the helm that night, our lives depending on his firm and determined grip. Now his breath wheezes like the gurgling stem of that corncob pipe. The electronic machines cast steady waves of green light, sounding ebb and flow. If it were a depth finder I could read it. I want to believe he’ll weather this one. That tube in his throat, does he think that’s his pipe? Aren’t his lips moving, champing at the familiar bit? I watch his hands. Light your damn pipe, Skipper.
Brilliant, D. Beauthifully imagined and executed.
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Thank you Doug.
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Bravo I like it when you can write a double, and both play off one another so flawlessly. Yet, each stands alone – strong and independent. That’s what you’ve done here, but I suspect you already know that and did it on purpose.
Bravo
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I couldn’t draw the full picture and end it in the hospital room in just 99 words, so yeah, I made two flashes. The second is even more of a stretch than the first for meeting the prompt but I take full advantage of the idea of going where the prompt leads. Thank you. I am glad to know they each can stand alone.
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Wow! This was exceptional. I was on the boat and looking at that corncob pipe.
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It was a rough ride in but you made it!
Thank you Jennie.
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Yes! And you’re welcome Deanna.
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I like how the light signal calm in one and energy in the other. Everything has two sides. (K)
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I like that read. Thank you.
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This piece gave me chills. Rage rage against the dying of the light.
Amazing writing.
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Thank you.
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I second Diana’s “rage, rage…” Well done here, both, but I love the last line of the second piece. Beautiful.
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Thank you.
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Mighty fine writing. The use of the pipe is brilliant. In the second story, I was pulled into the narrator’s emotion. Well done.
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Oh my. Two fine pieces. The first is full of hope. In the second, the hope is tentative and the emotions are strong. Perhaps Skipper is off to where he can puff on his corncob pipe without the intrusion of storms. Happy sailing.
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Thank you Norah. Yeah, I think Skipper’s ready, but the narrator isn’t ready to let him go yet.
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That’s often the way of it. Parting is never easy.
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