
Through the diner window Deborah watched the truck pull up, watched the familiar dismount, the tail end of an unfiltered Camel hitting the ground just prior to the vibram soles of greasy steel-toed work boots. She watched the bold long-legged approach across the parking lot, liking all 200 brawny pounds of what she saw. Already she had in the usual order, had it pinned on the line even before the purple-cabbed Peterbuilt had ceased squealing and hissing to a stop. Every two weeks, the same, though every two weeks the banter became increasingly serious, became conversation, and questions, increasingly potent.
This time Deborah was nervous like never before and glanced around, glad to see there were only two customers in the place, both distracted with their phones, not even looking up when the third driver strode in, beaming at the sight of her.
“Ellen, my bag is in the back; this time I will go with you.”
The prompt word is “filter“, the rules are to write a story in six sentences. The link up is HERE, thanks to our host Denise of GirlieOntheEdge. Author Anne Goodwin reminds us in a recent article that February is LGBT+ History Month and can be acknowledged and celebrated through literature. Maybe that’s why this story went where it did. I just had the first line, then decided to reassign those boots.
Good six; great use of the cue
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks.
LikeLike
I think Ellen and Deborah are off on a less-than-usual adventure. Good luck to them.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sure some truck stops will be less friendly than others. Now that they’re out there, I worry about their diets.
LikeLiked by 1 person
They sound pretty self-reliant to me. I think they’ll be fine.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The exhilaration of new love – all the butterflies, anticipation… the best part 🙂
LikeLike
Yeah, thanks, I’m glad that came through because that’s what I was playing with. The last line could be written any number of different ways.
LikeLike
Great tension build up. A new adventure! (K)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep. There’s an opening for a waitress at this diner.
Thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Excellent spin to the ending.*
*a compliment, because doing a surprise ending, especially in a flash-format is not, imo, as easy as it looks. Five full sentenae to write as the set up is a long time (in Six territory) in which the ending can be tipped, or more likely, diminished by ‘playing it safe’.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So there I was, moping that I had nothing, no ideas for a Six, towel in hand, arm drawn back. Then this sentence came: “The tail end of an unfiltered Camel hit the ground just prior to the vibram soles of greasy steel-toed work boots.” And I wrote it, confident then that a story would follow. It took a minute. In that minute I chuckled because I wondered if I was channelling Sir Clark with taht sentence. Any way that’s my backstory to this Six Sentence Story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That (“Tail end…) is the kind of sentence I hope/try/despair-of-writing-more-than-once to find every time I sit in front of the clickity-clacks.
Look at it!
Mystery: (‘Tail end of’ … of what??! an animal, a movie, a sequence of chess moves)
Action: (‘hit the ground’ …running?! a failed parachute jump, the hopes of a bright future?)
Backstory: (Camel (cigarette)… vibram soles …greasy steel-toed)
Cue Wayne and Garth!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aw shucks.
LikeLike
Truly excellent.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are truly too kind. Thank you.
LikeLike
So rich in description!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I bet you saw red and white checked tables in the diner.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Actually, more like shiny formica, cylindrical sugar dispensers with those loose flip spouts, and tables set with 3 piece flatware, wrapped in a paper napkin & bound with a sticky strip.
Old school, like the way life used to be. Memory Lane is calling!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Point is, I made you, dear reader, do the heavy lifting as far as visuals. And yeah, you’re right, that’s exactly how that diner looked. Some of the vinyl seats on the round swivel stools at the counter are cracked too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
🤗🌹
LikeLiked by 1 person
That last line! I am wondering how thrilled Deborah is to have tailing along. Great SSS!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Pat.
LikeLike
Great scene, easy to visualize and feel the tension and excitement!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLike
You’re most welcome!
LikeLike
Great little story!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nothing like someone knowing your usual order and anticipating your entrance. What a trip to memory lane.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep, they’re on the road!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This made me smile 🙂 Loved it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah, good! Thanks!
LikeLike