It’s time again to write a story in six sentences exactly. Link your story through Denise’s GirlieOntheEdge blog, then read, write, repeat. The word of the week is random. (I wonder if Denise chose that word purposely and methodically or….) Oh, despite the rules I am entering with a 12-pack, two sixes.
Uber Possibilities by D. Avery
Though he could pick his wife’s laugh out from among the others, growing louder now with drink, from his vantage point across the room he noted how alike they all were, himself included; all tan and personal trainer-fit, their cocktail party clothes their uniforms, all of high rank.
Alike in background and ambition he wondered at how they’d paired off in college, speculated that it wouldn’t have made any difference at all if they’d all just been randomly matched. They each would still have ended up with what they thought they wanted, with what they now had; good looking, fit, socially acceptable spouses living in lavish showcase homes, their handsome children choosing the finest colleges to attend.
Not one of his dalliances with his friends’ wives had turned out to be an exciting distraction after all. The affairs that both he and his wife had they’d easily overlooked, understood as much as forgiven, for each could be seen as an honest mistake, an understandable case of mistaken identity.
He watched his wife accept another drink from Biff, laughing and leaning in, and wished he was stirred to jealousy. The caterer, clearing stray glasses and plates, her night almost over, interrupted his thoughts.
“Shouldn’t you be over there with the others?”
“Oh, no, I’m not with them,” he quipped, marveling at the unpainted lips of her bemused smile, the crow’s feet at her green eyes, the wisp of gray at her auburn temples. “I’m just the uber driver, here to give you a ride home.”
“I’ll tell you what, uber-man,” she said laughing, “let’s skip the ride home and even what it is you think might could happen there, and go right to breakfast; meet me at the Eggstraordinary Diner at eight tomorrow morning, and you can tell me all about ubering— or any random topic.”
And he knew he would join this woman for breakfast, would enjoy conversation with her as his wife slept late in their shade-darkened master suite, knew that, finally, things might never be the same.
That second one is quite strong.The first one paints a dim picture of destiny, at least in my mind. Both inspired multiple reads, and I might just come back later today and enjoy them again.
Gracias
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If you return you will see a slight revision and I removed the divider between the two six packs as I intended the twelve as one story, though each of the two could stand on their own. Thank you for your kind comments.
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I like the description of those random affairs as “mistaken identity”. That’s what random pairings would suggest. I also liked how the randomness breaks down in the second story where things might never be the same.
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Thank you. And as I said above to tnkerr, I made a slight revision so it is more clear the lot was intended as one story, not two.
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Both are well done and thought provoking. I love the use of the cue.
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Thank you. I used your seeing them as “both” as a cue to revise and make the combing more clear. (I hope)
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What a world, what a world. Yet the more things change…
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Yes, I do not approve of these characters, but do see a bit of hope for at least one of them.
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Great title for your SSS, considering the subject matter. I like how you blended these two stories into one so smoothly, I hadn’t even noticed there were two until I read one of the comments. HaHa. Yes, I can count, but I was too caught up in the story to do that. HaHa
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Well, Pat, this has been revised some since I first posted it. It began as two distinct sixes, and I blended them when it seemed people didn’t realize I meant them as one continued tale. Even now I am thinking this is another seed story, a sketch, and should be reworked and expanded some to tell the story better. That you got caught up in the story is encouraging. Thank you!
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Love how you used uber in the title and also as a profession. When life becomes so formula you need a seemingly random spark to ignite new fires. Your characters inhabit a quite wealthy landscape, and I think the same awareness of the boredom of a uniform life would apply at the oppsite end of the spectrum too – if you’re awake enough to see that your world is the same thing every day.
Loved this six (12). Actually, when you mentioned a ’12 pack’ my Friday mind went straight to beer… sorry, then not helped by your first sentence mentioning ‘drink’. Cheers 🙂
Love the sound of the “Eggstraordinary Diner” !! When I lived in England we had a diner called “Mister Egg”.
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TGIF.
Agreed that there are ruts and sameness for all, but these people actually bought into their lives, it was sold to them and they paid up and now most are quite frightened to step out of it.
Thank you!
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Yes, you are right there with the difference that these people subscribed to that lifestyle. It was good to read about someone wanting to break free from that.
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Fortunately for all of us (Readers) your protagonist is possessed of a quality of character that permits him to discern an opportunity to improve his life.*
I’m with Toy Ad Man on the name of the diner. Tell us there is, in your ‘real’ world a such-named establishment!
*an unreliable protagonist? Is that a thing?**
** I’m taken with the rhetorical device of ‘the unreliable narrator’… thats why I’m asking.
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There should be a diner by that name, but if there is, I do not know of it. I do like diners. Did. You know. Before. (sigh)
Yes, imperfect characters, but one at least ready to recognize and welcome change.
Thanks!
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This drew me right in….I was ‘in the room’ I knew these people and the surface games and was intrigued with what conversation would unfold at the diner the next morning. Perfect!
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Wow, thank you. I’m not sure what the conversation will be about, just that he is intrigued by her being so real and genuine.
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I thought I’d heard of Eggstraordinary so of course, I had to look it up. I found one but it is called cafe not diner. It’s in Florida.
Anyways your story drew me in and I didn’t even notice that there were 12 sentences in your story as I was too intrigued to notice. Great piece of writing!
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Thank you Susan! I am glad if there is a cafe by that name, there really should be.
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Hey, at least one of them appears on the right track. Much possibility here for a serial. Whadya think? 😀
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Oh, Denise… I don’t think about these things, though a serial’s a thought. I am thinking of expanding this sketch slightly, but I don’t know these people well enough to keep them around long. Tell you what, next week you pick it up at breakfast.
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Well, I do love a challenge 😀
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This was an interesting story with a twist, which I happen to love! By the way, there is an Eggstraordinary Cafe in Florida. Shall we all go there one day?
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I did not know there was an actual place called Eggstraordinary, but felt she needed to be specific so named the diner in the story.
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I love it!
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That was provocative. D. Another slice of life. Seems like the drama will be ongoing.
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Perhaps. Thanks for coming by!
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Reading this was like watching a movie! Well done!
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Thank you!
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Wow! That’s one powerful short.
I especially loved this: “an understandable case of mistaken identity”
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Thank you, glad it worked.
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Finally, his life is going to get interesting! Sometimes I wonder if people remember why it is they strive and raise up more of the same? Thought provoking story. Good internal dialog, too.
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Thanks, Boss.
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