A Blossoming Scene; CRLC & SixSentenceStories

A little late with a Six Sentence Story where the word prompt is “line“, but have combined that with the Carrot Ranch Literary Community July 2, 2020, prompt to “in 99 words (no more, no less), write a story that includes the word blossom.The idea of lining bees came, then I realized the characters suited for that would be that Vermont farm family. First I wrote it as it came without counting sentences or words; it was 298 words. I then reconstructed and deleted to meet these prompts. After all that I feel they are each some sort of draft, and highly recommend the exercise.

six sentence story copy(Six Sentences; 217 words)

“I’ll be staying right here until this truck runs right again, so you two go line bees without me.”

He understood he was not to go with them but he watched as they stepped into the uncropped clover that aproned the barn where, as if moved by a gentle breeze, the purple blossoms, held aloft on trifoliate flagged stems, nodded and swayed with the weight of honeybees.

“We start right here, Hope,” she said, “We watch these bees load up with pollen, see which direction they go when they are done gathering; we follow.”

When Hope said “They buzz like sunshine, Mommy,” he knew it was true, that sunshine could be heard and felt as a buzz and hum, pulsating with life and promise; he heard it now and knew it was more than the bees on the clover, more than the tin of the shed roof beginning to ping as it warmed in the sun. He followed with his eyes as mother and daughter made their way across the meadow towards the hardwoods and though they used no compass or bee box he wouldn’t be surprised if they found the hive. He heard their laughter, a buzzing hum like sunshine and knew that even if they didn’t locate the hive, none of them would be disappointed.

******

prompt-chomp

Three 99-word sections of the same story:

“Hope, have you ever lined bees?”

From under the truck hood he noted how her French Canadian accent was more pronounced with these sorts of questions, questions that might be asked of a much older person that she was working on getting to know, not of her own daughter. Like Hope, he also recognized it as an invitation, and he turned his head from his work to see the girl’s smile.

“I’ll be staying right here until this truck runs right again, so you two go line bees without me.” He understood he was not to go with them.

***

As if moved by a gentle breeze, the purple blossoms nodded and swayed under working honeybees.

“We start here, Hope. We watch these bees load up with pollen. Then we follow.”

“They buzz like sunshine, Mommy.” When Hope said that he knew it was true, that sunshine could be heard and felt, not just as heat but as a buzz and hum, pulsating with life and promise; he heard it now and knew it was more than the bees on the clover, more than the tin of the shed roof beginning to ping as it warmed in the sun.

***

He followed with his eyes as mother and daughter made their way across the meadow towards the hardwoods. Though they used no compass or bee box he wouldn’t be surprised if they found the hive. The pair paused. Though too far to see he knew they were at another patch of clover blossom, that they were again observing the bees, recalibrating their line. Looking across to where his wife and daughter crouched together he felt as much as heard their laughter, a buzzing hum like sunshine. Even if they didn’t locate the hive, none of them would be disappointed.

******

square-template12.pngOne 99-word version of the story:

As if moved by a gentle breeze, the purple blossoms nodded and swayed under working honeybees.

“They buzz like sunshine, Mommy.”

“We’ll follow when they take off with their pollen.”

Mother and daughter set across the meadow towards the hardwoods. Though they used no compass or bee box he wouldn’t be surprised if they found the hive. He saw his wife and daughter crouched at what must be another patch of clover. Well out of hearing range, he felt their laughter, a buzzing hum like sunshine. Even if they didn’t locate the hive, none of them would be disappointed.

******

22 thoughts on “A Blossoming Scene; CRLC & SixSentenceStories

  1. Oh, my. Making me choose, lol? Of all, I enjoyed the last and 2nd to last versions best.
    You are so on the money, D. The Six, as well as CRLC, are excellent writing exercises. I often confuse myself self when I’m deep in the editing aspect of a piece – once I start changing a word here, the tense there, other ideas pop into my head!
    Thank you. Both you and TVTA have added to my knowledge base this week by making me go to the Google. I never knew the origins of “making a beeline for it”. 🙂
    I’m glad you linked up this week. Imo, it’s never too late!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I missed the last couple I think. Too dang busy. Still am but sometimes a double shot of prompts get me going. I’ll try to get around to reading the other Sixes later in the weekend.
      Thank you for your kind encouragements.
      Have a good weekend.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The original story is full and wonderful, but once you began to pare it down, more meaning took shape. You got it calibrated in the final 99 with the short beats of the begining followed by Dad’s reflection from a distance.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Blossom « Carrot Ranch Literary Community

  4. I love the relationships in these stories – the acceptance and appreciation of each other, the peace that comes from knowing, and the understanding of the natural order of things, all things – large and small. Each piece portrays a slightly different way of knowing, of grasping the truth within.

    Liked by 1 person

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