The Ride

Bob had never shared in his wife’s love for rollercoasters but since her diagnosis and subsequent recovery, was more indulgent, willing to spend time at an amusement park and wait for her on the ground until she emerged from the ride exhilarated and triumphant.

“Are you going to ride with me this time, Bob, face your fears?”

Kissing her, he responded, “I have already faced my worst fear, but your happiness matters to me so I’ll happily wait for you as always.”

It wasn’t just a platitude, for Bob truly delighted in just being with his wife in line for the ride, in holding her hand, her excitement and joy palpable, her anticipation growing until finally she kissed him goodbye and stepped up onto the platform and settled into her seat, waving at Bob as the attendant checked seatbelts and latched the safety bars; waving until the carts lurched into forward motion and she put both hands on the bar looking ahead to her ride.

When Bob moved away from the platform for a better view, joining the small group of riders’ friends and loved ones taking pictures and videos with their phones, the attendant caught Bob’s eye from underneath his hoodie, winking at him as the carts rattling on the tracks overhead hurtled towards a steep bend.

Bob stared helplessly at the rollercoaster plummeting through the air, never noticing that the hooded attendant had vanished.

***

 

six sentence story.jpg

 

Wow, it feels like a long time since I have written anything. I know it’s been a while since taking part in Denise’s Six Sentence Story challenge but here is a response to this week’s prompt. To participate, write six sentences exactly and include the word, “matter“. The link up for sharing is open on Thursday.

 

My process, if such matters interest you,  was different for this piece than for other six sentence stories. I was writing a longer story and not thinking about this prompt when I  realized I did have the prompt word in that piece. I finished that as intended but then went back and carved a second story out of it for this challenge. At 1031 words compared to the 236 above, the original story of course has more detail and more meat on the bone, but I’m hoping the main idea comes through in six sentences. The thing of the matter is, the process of winnowing and attending to syntax and such to pare down to six sentences made the original story better as I found I was going back and forth editing and revising both simultaneously. Try, if you haven’y already, enlarging and reducing your six sentence story sometime. It really doesn’t matter, but is a good exercise in craft.  

 

 

24 thoughts on “The Ride

  1. I’m not sure where this rollercoaster ride is headed. Somewhere sinister or somewhere mystical? Bob and wife have gone through a few ups and downs. Is this one down too many? Lovely writing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hmm. It (the ending) is more clear in the original longer story. So this is interesting. I was writing that longer one anyway just because and then decided to make it fit the six sentence story prompt, just because. I usually build up if at all and rarely down so I took on this challenge.The weird thing is that the original story is either unprompted or I forget and forsook an older prompt; I found a draft for this while cleaning up my desktop a couple days ago and played with it. Looks like I need to play some more if it is to work at this length. Hmm. I wonder if I could get the story in 99 words?
      I am all about play in 2019, play for Children of all Ages.
      Thanks for coming by, Buddy.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, it’s a might vague. Here’s a 99 word version:

      “Honey, look at these photos for that unlikely tragedies story; some, like the Boston Molasses Flood, are a hundred years old. Look at that person… now that one… and there… don’t they look similar?”
      “There’s a resemblance; what an odd coincidence. Bob, put your work away. Let’s go to the park now, you promised me a rollercoaster ride. Ride with me; face your fears.”
      “I’ve already faced my worst fear.”
      “Yes, and I’m fine.” She kissed him. “I’ve beaten the odds.”

      His wife waved and smiled broadly as the cart lurched forward. The attendant winked at Bob. Recognition dawned.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Totally enjoyed the Six.
    (Did get it.)

    Like the others, I very much enjoyed the backstory… always get something extra from learning/seeing process.
    Hats off to reference the Great Molasses Flood… (there is so much weird in the world, I suppose its just as well its hidden from most) lol

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good 6! Began to wonder if there was a twist coming 😀 You did not disappoint lol.
    I too appreciated reading the backstory/process you go through. You said you enjoyed the longer story, either one, you’ve got me hooked. You did a great job on the 99 word version! It’s an incredible challenge editing down a story to 6 sentences but imo, a worthwhile and beneficial exercise.
    Good to have you back in the halls of the Six Sentence Story 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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