The curtain snaps against the breeze in the open window. Triumphant flapping and clucking of Hope’s favorite hen heralds its daily escape.
She listens to comfortable thuds and thumps as he prepares breakfast. Brewing coffee rumbles a baseline to the robins’ chirping. The last stair-tread squeaks as Hope joins her father. Both quiet and reserved, in the mornings together they are quite talkative, sharing observations from the farm or surrounding woods, their voices rolling soft like the round-rocked brook.
Unconsciously they interpret morning sighs. They bring her coffee, their tentative daily offering, worry they might rouse her to flight.
For Carrot Ranch, August 3, 2017 prompt: In 99 words (no more, no less) use sound to create a story. Just as you might “see” a scene unfold, think about how it might sound. Even one sound to set the tone is okay. Go where you hear the prompt lead. Feel free to experiment.
ShiftnShake 
You sure fitted a lot of sounds in there! I love this: “their voices rolling soft like the round-rocked brook.” and understand their that they may cause her to once again take flight. Lovely the way you have continued Hope’s story. She’s obviously growing up. Will Mum stay or go?
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I thought I was done with that family, but when the prompts get tough I use my standbys it seems.
I think she is staying and they are still just nervous. She is not only getting coffee in bed, she gets the luxury of lying in and enjoying those sounds from the kitchen.
Thanks for coming by.
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Well, I’m pleased they stand by you in the tough times. I enjoy reading their stories.
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I like the changes you made. Great use of sound. Particularly like “Brewing coffee rumbles a baseline to the robins’ chirping.”
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Thank you for coming by and commenting. Some day I will learn to slow down revise before posting at the ranch… maybe. I generally love morning sounds, when they are still muted by lingering darkness, even as they are amplified by coming dawn. Last night I was reading Marilynne Robinson’s “Housekeeping” and wow did she have some sound writing going on. But morning sounds were not enjoyed by her characters, they were bad news. Her birds were warning not celebrating.
Loved your flash, by the way.
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I’m delighted you use the ranch to process! It feels like getting to write and polish alongside you.
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Oh, Boss, you say it like it’s a good thing. I appreciate that you come by and pick up the better stuff here, ’cause it drives me nuts that I put things out that weren’t finished after all. But I am learning to let it go. Kind of. Sorta.
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You are showing us raw literature followed by the benefits of a little editing. Can only be a good thing. I have to admit I would never pick up to read a book called ‘housekeeping’ but you have piqued my interest. Thanks.
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Beautiful flash. How sounds reverberate in the underlying silence of the country. You evoked the scene so viscerally with the morning sounds. And then that insertion of the insecurity and tentativeness of the calm with that last line.
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Thank you. Yeah, they’re still nervous.
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I was surprised by the way I felt resentful this time! It’s this beautiful scene, this wonderful life they can all share together and yet, no pun intended, they have to walk on eggshells around mom. Better that she goes than she leaves them worrying that she might. Beautiful writing, D. in both the language and the story development.
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Thanks, Boss. Your comment is powerful to me in that you are into these characters enough to feel resentment. I am not sure I am as invested as you are! Just trying to fill a flash… But as this series comes along, I do know that he is the better off one, with his homestead and his strong, grounded relationship with the daughter. How old is she here, anyway? (I can’t be sure, I only have a cat, and her part time.)
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Domestic sounds entwined with natures, all just blew me away. However as a newbie to the ranch I feel as though I am intruding, based on the other folks comments. Not sure whether the flash is based on fiction, story you’ve been telling over time, or if it is based on real-life,.. beautiful un every respect and took me to another place.
tales
of woe
lost soles grieving
I pray they find
respite
© Mick E Talbot 2017/66
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Welcome to the Ranch, and thanks for swinging by my place. I only post fiction at my blog; no news, opinions, or personal updates. Just stories and poems, usually responses to someone else’s prompts. Offerings used characters and a storyline from flash that went serial. See the whole story here: https://shiftnshake.wordpress.com/2017/07/12/the-fold/
Thanks again for visiting. I appreciate that.
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